Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
