I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
