TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
