he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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