I'm sorry my penis didn't work
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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