I'm so fucking centered right now
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
