I think my vagina is haunted
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Houston, we have a blender
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
