So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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