Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
