I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
