just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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