mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
