Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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