I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
