is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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