Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
