Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize