i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
