Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Randomize
