note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
