if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
