Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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