living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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