you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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