is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
