fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
