remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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