please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
