Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
