I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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