Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
