WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
