WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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