I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
