and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Randomize
