I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
where am i from again
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
i need some magic done to my vagina
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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