I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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