Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Randomize