Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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