I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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