The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize