I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
