I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
