i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
