All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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