Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
