He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
