guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize