May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
