A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
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