I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize