every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm just crazy horny about you
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
