WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
