apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
