Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
