I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
