I heard we made out
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
