whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
