this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
