I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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