I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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