i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
