my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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