We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
