Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
