He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
